Appearance

Erasmus appears as a swarthy, heavyset bronzed skinned human with thick black hair and a dark, heavy moustache that sits above an enigmatic smile. His red-rimmed eyes are the colour of burnt umber and it is said that should he turn his gaze towards you, he sees not your deeds or your face, but only your worth in gold pieces. He has a multitude of arms, one for every pocket, hidden beneath a cloak made of molten gold that ebbs and flows around his body. Combat is not the Miser’s way, but should he find himself in the midst of a melée, his golden cloak solidifies, encasing him in protective armour. Upon his head he wears a red silk scarf adorned, in the centre, with a large, sentient diamond. This jewel, known as Abacus, speaks telepathically to Erasmus and warns him when he is being deceived.

Laws of Wealth

Unlike most other deities, Erasmus does not provide tenets to his followers. Instead, the Church of Erasmus has released a guidebook known as the Laws of Wealth. These laws are colloquial wisdoms, learned through centuries of business practice, some collected from civilisations that have long since turned to dust. Erasmus tips his feathered hat to those long forgotten races and ensures that their knowledge lives on.

The book itself is massive, spanning many volumes, but can be purchased for a nominal fee of 7,852 gold, 6 silver at any of the larger of Erasmus’s houses of worship. Some of the more popular laws are included below:

1. Discover someone’s deepest desire and you will find the key to their vault.
2. If you have a heart of gold, it will be taken and sold.
3. Once you have their gold, never give it back.
4. Never spend more than you have.
5. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of wealth.
7. Opportunity plus instinct equals success.
8. Always have an out.
9. Greed is eternal.
10. A contract is a contract is a contract (but only between Erasmus followers).
11. Never waste a coin.
12. A favoured without wealth is no favoured at all.
13. Never place friendship above wealth.
14. A wise man can hear wealth in the wind.
15. Nothing is more important than your health… except for your wealth.
16. War is good for business.
17. Peace is good for business.
18. Don’t trust a man wearing better clothing than your own.
19. The bigger the smile, the sharper the stiletto.
20. Good customers are as rare as mithril; treasure them.
21. What’s rubble to the Orc is mithril to the Dwarf.
22. Free advice is seldom cheap.
23. The riskier the road, the greater the reward.
24. Home is where the heart is; gold lays upon the road.
25. Lovers and wealth don’t mix.
26. Everyone has their price… except Rolandites.
27. Nature decays, but gold lasts forever.
28. Dignity and an empty sack are worth the sack.
29. Treat people in your debt like family: exploit them.
30. You can’t make a deal if you’re dead, unless you’re undead.
31. Hear everything, trust nothing.
32. It’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
33. New customers are like landsharks; they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
34. Peasants are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.
35. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
36. Gold lasts longer than lust.
37. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for gold.
38. No good deed leads to wealth.
39. After you’ve exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it’s easier to exploit them next time.
40. When the messenger comes to appropriate your wealth… kill the messenger.
41. Time, like gold, is a highly limited commodity. Just don’t sell it to Vesmirites.
42. Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
43. Why ask when you can take?
44. A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
45. You can’t cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.
46. Never thank a fae… Or anybody.
47. If you can’t break a contract, bend it.
48. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
49. Anything stolen is pure profit.
50. Acting stupid is often smart.
51. A deal is a deal… until a better one comes along.
52. You can always sell their corpse to Malagant.
53. When the customer is sweating, stoke the fire.
54. If plan “A” fails — remember you have 25 letters left, unless you speak Hobling.
55. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get the rest.
56. Take the last coin.
57. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you do with it after you cut it down, but don’t say that to a Wild Elf.
58. Morality is always defined by those in power.
59. You can always buy back a lost reputation.
60. A bird in hand is worth more if your clientele is hungry.
61. Never argue with a loaded crossbow.
62. Salt mines are full of people who trusted the wrong person.
63. In battle, never bluff an Einher.
64. In peace, never bluff an Ajaunti.
65. Never admit a mistake if there’s someone else to blame.
66. Always sell at the highest possible price.
67. Never buy anything you can’t sell.
68. Sell flowers to Baagh.
69. Enough is never enough.
70. Opportunities are like Wood Fae; there’s always another one coming.
71. Compassion is no substitute for silver piece, but maybe a copper.
72. There are a thousand excuses for failure, but never a good reason.
73. Get the gold first and let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.
74. Don’t discriminate. The most unlikely species can create the best customers.
75. Many savage races believe their yellow metal is worthless.
76. Benefit from a wizard’s greed for knowledge. Double the price for Salamites.
77. If it works, sell it. If it works well, sell it for more. If it doesn’t work, quadruple the price and sell it as an antique.
78. A smart customer is not a good customer.
79. Revenge is profitless, unless you’re selling to the Church of Raze.
80. Never rip off the Razor.
81. Even death takes bribes.
82. If you give a copper for a thought, make sure you get change.
83. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
84. Mine is better than ours.
85. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
86. They’re a fool who makes their healer their heir.
87. Beware of small expenses: a tiny leak will sink a ship.
88. Never let an Orc piss on your back and tell you it’s raining.
89. Faith moves mountains – of inventory.
90. If you would keep a secret from an enemy, don’t tell it to a friend.
91. Everything that has no owner needs one.
92. Gold is never made. It is merely won or lost.
93. There is no honor in poverty.
94. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of gold.
95. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something. Then he is a customer.
96. A lie isn’t a lie until someone else knows the truth.
97. Gratitude can bring on generosity.
98. Law makes everyone equal, but justice goes to the highest bidder.
99. The answer to quick and easy profit is: buy for less, sell for more.
100. There’s nothing wrong with charity… as long as it winds up in your pocket.
101. Never kill a customer, unless you make more profit from their death than from their life.
102. Their money is only yours when they can’t get it back.
103. Never give anything away for free.
104. Share and perish.
105. When all else fails – run.
106. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.
107. Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
108. Wounds heal, but debt is forever.
109. If a person owes you money, so do their children.
110. Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
111. A friend in need means three times the price.
112. Tell them what they want to hear, but not what they need to hear.
113. If they accept your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
114. If possible, stay neutral in conflicts so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
115. Never say no to holding someone’s gold.
116. Never take hospitality from someone worse off than yourself.
117. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
118. Don’t trust anyone who trusts you.
119. There’s a sucker born every minute. Be sure you’re the first to find each one.
120. More is good, all is better.
121. He that speaks ill of the wares will buy them.
122. Celebrate when you are paid, not when you are promised.
123. Feign respect for another culture’s beliefs; they’ll be more likely to give you gold.
124. A contract without fine print is a fool’s document.
125. Be wary of the demonic, for they are shrewd in business but also carry the most gold.
126. When in doubt, lie.
127. When in doubt, buy.
128. When in doubt, demand more gold.
129. When in doubt, stab them, take their gold, run and blame someone else.
130. Gold can’t buy happiness, but you can sure have a good time renting it.
131. Blood is thicker than water, but harder to sell, unless you know a wytch.
132. The only thing you should ever discount is Ambrosia.
133. Laws of Wealth are always subject to change.
134. Laws of Wealth are always subject to interpretation.